Wedding Day 12.08.12

Less than a month after that catastrophic birthday, I experienced the happiest day of my life (cliche to say....I know. But it really was). I married my best friend and know that he was made by God just for me.  Let me just say that I realize 25 may be a "young" age to get married and that thought definitely crossed my mind a minute after he proposed. The thought crossed my mind almost to the point of me not being in the moment and being excited about this experience. My type A over analytical self  thought of all the ways why getting married at 25 was not the right TIME. Yes.... I did not write "not the right DECISION"...but TIME.

Time. Isn't that what all of us twenty somethings are marking our lives by? The time it takes to finish school. The time until we "settle down". The time until we have reached success. We have been surrounded by the notion that as a twenty something our life is supposed to occur as follows:

1. Graduate college
2. Find a good job
3. Work hard on your career (make it a #1 priority)
4. Focus on starting a family later (once you are successful)

This is crap. Who even created this ridiculous timeline? Here are my thoughts. Do what you know feels right and screw what anyone else thinks. You can start a family first and still be incredibly successful in your career. Will it be harder? Maybe. Will you find more fulfillment in your life if you find the balance between love, career and dreams? Absolutely. The difference is truly knowing what you what for your life and ignoring the timeline. As humans we were created to adapt. There is no perfect plan, it really comes down to having the will and desire to create your own life. It's hard as hell and I know...because like many of you, I am in the thick of it right now. But honestly I am loving every minute of it.

So ignore the timeline, the expectations from those around you (family, friends, etc)  and keep discovering who you are. This discovery is continuous. It does not end when you get married, have kids or land your dream job. It happens every day.

xoxo
Jess

My 25th Birthday

Warning: this post will highlight a less than flattering moment in my life. It's not pretty, but it's real.

I turned 25 less than a month before my wedding. Needless to say I was under A LOT of stress and put unnecessary pressure on myself through all of the perfectionist details I swore I was doing for my guests. But if I had to be truly honest...while I wanted my guests to enjoy the evening and all of the special details I planned..I also wanted them to see how perfectly I planned those details. Ugh..in retrospect that sounds so terrible and selfish. It was. I am a people pleaser and I hid (and still hide sometimes) behind that perfectionist mask. I'll go into more detail about how I am battling this part of myself later, but this wedding and my 25th birthday were the catalysts for this change.

I went off course a little bit on that one but we're back on track now (it will all come together throughout this blog I promise). So in a nutshell this very selfish part of myself thought my birthday should have been an extraordinary event ALL about me because I had been so busy thinking about everyone else while planning this wedding.

My fiance called on great friends to hang out at a bar the night of my birthday and I proceeded to sulk, get way too drunk, think it was not good enough and leave without saying goodbye to those friends who took the time to celebrate with me. I still cringe and feel so embarrassed to this day for not appreciating that moment the way I should have (I did warn you that this post would show me in a less than stellar light...it gets worse). I came home and proceeded to sob (not cry) but sob for hours on the bathroom floor until I feel asleep. I spent the next day in bed, in the dark, stewing in my self pity. Yes friends that is how I rang in the BIG 2-5.

So it wasn't the best start to a new year of life. Actually it was the worst start to any birthday I've ever had, but thank God for that less than flattering moment in my life because in the aftermath of that breakdown I realized I needed to change. To truly reflect on who I am as a person and most importantly what I needed to work on to be the best person I can be, not only for myself but for those people who love and care about me.

xoxo
Jess

Why I wanted to start this blog

In two months I will celebrate (yes celebrate...not sulk, ignore, belittle or cry about) my 26th birthday. Sadly this is how I rang in the BIG 2-5 and honestly it set the tone for the entire year. So in an effort to put forth positive energy and really embrace the goodness and blessings in my life, I want to chronicle what I learned about life, love, friendship and work during this very influential year.

If anyone actually starts reading this, I feel like I should give a brief description of myself (or at least who I am at this point in my life). I am a self proclaimed perfectionist. This has been my battle lately, but stay tuned for how I'm working towards authenticity and vulnerability. I adore my friends and family...super loyal (must be the Scorpio in me). All of the food I eat requires some kind of spice...it's not even a question but a necessity. So bring on the jalapenos, sriracha, tapatio, chalula, salsa..you get the point. I like working out..don't enjoy or love it but it's gotta be done I suppose. Love exploring new places and doing things I've never done before. I am newly married, got a dog, thinking about having kids (so the last person who would ever say this by the way) and feel totally clueless about my career. Welcome to your mid-twenties my friends!

This blog will chronicle all that I've learned and experienced as a 25 year old and all that I have yet to experience as I reign in the last half of these defining years. I hope you all (or even just the one person who might read this) find comfort and connection from some of the things I have on my mind and have experienced. We are on this journey together!

xoxo
Jess